Power Rankings (Week 8)

News Flash: The Stunners destroy Mullets, win season series!

1. Chicago Bears
I can't wait for their Sunday night matchup against the Giants.

2. Indianapolis Colts
He may not have a ring, but Peyton Manning is definitely a top 5 quarterback of my lifetime.

3. New England
However, this team seems to have Mr. Manning's number. We'll see if that continues this Sunday.

4. New York Giants
Their defense seems to be getting better every week, as do their Super Bowl chances.

5. San Diego Chargers
They beat a solid football team pretty easily. As long as they have a big lead going into the 4th quarter, they seem to be okay.

6. Denver Broncos
They just don't have the fire power to keep up with a team like the Colts.

7. Atlanta Falcons
I still don't like Michael Vick and I'm sure he'll have the game of a lifetime against my Lions on Sunday. Great.

8. Baltimore Ravens
Their run defense sure is tough. We'll see if that offensive production was just a one week thing though.

9. New Orleans Saints
This team needs to be able to run more consistently, especially with the two talented guys they have back there.

10. Cincinnati Bengals
Those are the kind of games this team needs to win at home.

11. Jacksonville Jaguars
I do not understand this team. You go to Houston and get doiminated. You step into the always hostile Philadelphia and dominate.

12. Dallas Cowboys
This team might have just found some hope in Tony Romo.

13. Kansas City
Damon Huard has done a fantastic job, especially in the past few weeks. I wish I never cut Larry Johnson last year.

14. Seattle Seahawks
Seneca Wallace played solid this week, it will be interesting to see how this team plays against a Raiders team who now seems to be on a roll.

15. Carolina Panthers
They've got a lot to think about over their bye weekend.

16. St. Louis Rams
This team just isn't quite ready to be an elite team. The defense is just too shaky.

17. Minnesota Vikings
Well, the Patriots sure put this team in their place.

18. Philadelphia Eagles
This team is starting to play the way I was expecting this year.

19. Pittsburgh Steelers
WHY DID BIG BEN PLAY???

20. New York Jets
They played some awful football on Sunday and probably should have tied it up. However, that was a game they should have most definitely won.

21. Green Bay Packers
This team is on a bit of a roll with the return of Ahman Green.

22. Washington Redskins
This team should improve, but whether or not they will, I'm not quite sure.

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
They lost to a good football team Sunday, but Cadillac Williams needs to play better.

24. Tennessee Titans
This team seems pretty determined to turn their season around, minus Pac Man.

25. Houston Texans
David Carr had a bad week, but he is playing pretty well. Andre Johnson is a stud.

26. Oakland Raiders
I'm not quite sure how they won that game Sunday, but they did. Their defense is playing some good football.

27. Cleveland Browns
This team still has some potential, but playing in San Diego isn't a good thing.

28. Buffalo Bills
J.P. Losman may be on his last legs here.

29. San Francisco 49ers
Their defense is horrible.

30. Detroit Lions
I'm not quite sure why they cut Az Hakim, but they should be healed to play the Falcons this weekend.

31. Miami Dolphins
I'm pretty sure this team is everyone's biggest disappointment.

32. Arizona Cardinals
This team is doing all that they can to be the worst.

Mike's Friday Rant

Today's rant is about sex. More specifically, about me not having it. How do I know that it's been a long time since I've had it?

I have to check the expiration dates on my condoms.

Oh, you didn't know that condoms have expiration dates? Well, anyone with any semblance of a sex life probably doesn't even think to check that sort of thing, but as someone who still has unopened condoms that were passed out to me on the Diag my sophomore year of college, I can tell you that they actually do eventually expire. Who buys a piece of rubber and doesn't use it before it is past its prime? Yep, that's me. And it's not even like it's a carton of milk, which expires in a couple of weeks. No, condoms have only slightly less staying power than a Twinkie.
What do you think that worker is thinking when he stamps a label on the package that says "expires in 2011?" I know exactly what he's thinking: he's thinking "geez, I really feel sorry for the guy that buys this and actually might still have the condom five years from now. Just think, every time he moves to a new place or cleans his room, he sees the condom sitting there, and still is naive enough to keep it in his possession, believing someday it will get used. But it never does. What a pathetic loser he must be."

NFL Power Rankings (Week 7)

1. Chicago Bears
It should be interesting to see what the loss of Mike Brown does to their dominant defense. Chances are it won't matter much against San Francisco.

2. Indianapolis Colts
Peyton almost got broken in half and still put up huge numbers. The running game seems to be gaining momentum, they're going to need it against Denver.

3. Denver Broncos
This may be the most boring version of a Mike Shanahan team, but they're winning football games.

4. New England Patriots
Tom Brady seems to be getting more and more comfortable with his new offensive weapons.

5. New Orleans Saints
I thought this team would be better than most expected, but never did I think I would have them as the fifth best team. So far, they've deserved it.

6. New York Giants
Losing Lavar Arrington will hurt, but this team is fired up and playing great football.

7. San Diego Chargers
Well, now we know why Shawne Merriman was so good. This team seems to be turning on cruise control again. They need to bounce back this week against St. Louis.

8. Cincinnati Bengals
Obviously the Bengals read my power rankings. That was a huge win on Sunday.

9. Atlanta Falcons
Obviously the Falcons read my power rankings. That was a huge win on Sunday.

10. Carolina Panthers
I have a feeling the Cowboys may be in for some trouble on Monday night.

11. St. Louis Rams
The forgotten team became even more forgotten this week with the bye. They have a chance to beat a top team this Sunday in San Diego.

12. Minnesota Vikings
I'm not sure how good of a Seahawk team they beat this Sunday, but the fact that it was in Seattle counts for something.

13. Philadelphia Eagles
For a team that could easily be 7-0, 4-3 just doesn't look so good.

14. Baltimore Ravens
I won't say anything negative about this team because it may just fire them up.

15. Seattle Seahawks
We'll see if this team can find a way to win without their two biggest playmakers.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars
I know they were hurt, but you can't lose to the Texans. This team is better than that.

17. Kansas City Chiefs
This may be one of the more inconsistent teams I can remember.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers
Even if Big Ben is cleared to play, Charlie Batch should still start. Roethlisberger's future is too bright to waste on a game against the Raiders.

19. New York Jets
The defense still needs work, but if that running game can be as effective as it was on Sunday, the defense will improve immediately.

20. Dallas Cowboys
This team could be in for a long season if they keep playing like they did on Monday.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
All it took was a spark by the name of Bruce Gradkowski and this team has made a total turnaround. Unfortunately for them, they're in the toughest division in football.

22. Washington Redskins
This team just keeps getting worse and worse.

23. Houston Texans
David Carr and Andre Johnson are finally becoming the players they were expected to be.

24. Buffalo Bills
J.P. Losman is making way too many mistakes for this team to win.

25. Green Bay Packers
They're beating teams at the bottom, but they're still not good enough to make it to that next step. Ahman Green helps this team out a ton. That's why he's a Stunner.

26. San Francisco 49ers
This is a fun team to watch, but the defense needs to at least stop the opposing team once in awhile.

27. Detroit Lions
Kevin Jones seems to be getting better by the week, but the defense is getting worse. This bye week should do them some good.

28. Cleveland Browns
Their offense has much more potential than what they are doing right now. I guess that's why Maurice Carthon is gone.

29. Tennessee Titans
We'll see if this team can keep their momentum going.

30. Oakland Raiders
Their defense is 5th in the league. That just shows you how poorly their offense has been playing.

31. Miami Dolphins
Poor Joey. Here he thought he'd at least be a backup on a good team. Now he's the starter on a terrible team, again.

32. Arizona Cardinals
This team is who we thought they were...lousy.

Mike's Friday Rant

I have a complaint. It's about people who complain about taxes. Call me a "tax and spend" liberal if you wish, but it has gone too far. Complaining about your FICA? I have no issues with that. I don't even know what FICA stands for. Bitching about social security? That's cool, I think we all know those mooching baby boomers are going to eat up all the money and we're going to have to rely on our future ungrateful kids to support us.
But the estate tax? C'mon!! Our federal government cannot figure out how to run a budget. They have decided to invest billions in a futile war, billions in a futile border fence, and have already cut the taxes of the richest 1 percent of Americans. Are they really asking for too much by taking away money from dead people? Have we become a society resembling the ancicent Egyptians, in which we feel it necessary to bury our wealthiest citizens with all their treasures and wordly possesions?
I would like to think not. I would like to think our government can collect money from dead people to pay for important public services and not have to hear so many complaints. It's not like they are taxing war orphans for donating their kidney to disease-ridden boy scouts. They are taking money from people who made a fortune in their lifetime, had access to the best healthcare, the trophiest of trophy wives, and the countriest of country clubs. Do they really need to have the biggest posthumous bank accounts, too? Yes, we can all see your Jaguar is more impressive than my 1996 Saturn, but I'd like for things to even out a bit in the afterlife.
I know what you're thinking: "Mike, you make some plausible and almost-witty points, but it's the principle that bothers me! We already pay income tax on that money, so it's like being taxed twice! I find that morally reprehensible." Walking up to an open casket and punching the deceased in the face when the funeral reception is over is morally reprehensible, too, but last I checked that was legal, and harms no one. When I die, the government can take all my money for all I care. I'll even give them my Star Wars figures. Because as much as I love the Fett, I can't play with him when I'm dead.
So please, Mr. economically conservative, tax-aversive Wall Street Journal subscriber, spare me the lecture on how disgraceful our federal government is for daring to take their little piece of the pie. Because wouldn't you rather have Grandpa Agnus pay for that future war in Iran?

NFL Power Rankings (Week 6)

1. Chicago
We'll see how the offense comes back from a game they shouldn't have won. Rex Grossman looked absolutely awful. Thanks, Rex.

2. Indianapolis
The running game should be able to do some damage against Washington. If it does, look out.

3. San Diego
Two of the best quarterbacks this year were on the Chargers last year. Scary.

4. New England
Their division seems to be getting weaker by the week.

5. Denver
I can't believe how conservative their play calling was against the Raiders. Thank goodness for them that Tatum Bell is playing well.

6. New Orleans
Week after week, they seem set out to prove people wrong. Drew Brees is a winner.

7. Seattle
It wasn't their best game, but they found a way to win on the road without Shaun Alexander in a crucial divisional matchup.

8. Carolina
This team is Steve Smith's team. As long as he is healthy, they are a Super Bowl contender.

9. Philadelphia
The defense needs to play more consistent. I think the Dallas game drained them a bit.

10. Baltimore
This team is starting to turn into the team I expected them to be this season.

11. St. Louis
They played well on Sunday, but that was a game they should have won. Down the road, they're going to look back at that game as a loss that hurt their postseason position.

12. Jacksonville
We'll see if this team is any healthier this week after their bye.

13. Cincinnati
I still stand by my prediction that the Bengals will not make the playoffs.

14. New York Giants
This team is starting to catch fire. Huge game against Dallas on Sunday.

15. Dallas
Drew Bledsoe still needs to be more efficient. Julius Jones is quietly having a very good season.

16. Pittsburgh
That's the Steeler team we all remember.

17. Atlanta
I also still stand by my prediction that the Falcons will not make the playoffs.

18. Minnesota
This team has some tough games the next couple weeks (Seattle, New England). I don't expect them to win either of them.

19. New York Jets
They're hanging in there, but they haven't been as impressive as they were earlier on.

20. Kansas City
I'm not quite sure what that was on Sunday, but I do know this team needs Trent Green back.

21. Buffalo
This team is a little too up and down. There is talent there, but how long will they want to stick around?

22. Washington
This team is playing some uninspired football. Something needs to change.

23. San Francisco
The offense is very solid, but their defense has to be worst in the league.

24. Tampa Bay
Bruce Gradkowski is looking pretty darn good. MAC quarterbacks seem to always overachieve.

25. Green Bay
They should have a solid chance against Miami this weekend.

26. Detroit
That was a big win this weekend. They still believe in Coach Marinelli and their next 5 games are all winnable.

27. Cleveland
This team has played pretty competitive, but they need to stop turning the ball over.

28. Arizona
That was just an awful 4th quarter performance.

29. Tennessee
Travis Henry has always been a solid running back.

30. Miami
This team stinks.

31. Houston
Why didn't they draft Reggie Bush? I don't think I'm the first one to ask that question.

32. Oakland
I feel terrible for the only player who seems to care, Lamont Jordan. The rest are bums.

Congressional '06 Prediction

Although things can change between now and election day, and turnout is always hugely important, I've decided to make my Congressional midterm predictions. Check back on November 8th and we can see if it's as good as my predictions that the Marlins would win it all in 1997 (you can ask my Mother, I really did call that one before the season).
The Senate:
Currently, the score is 55 Republicans, and 44.5 Democrats (Jim Jeffords is the half). According to the the sixth year-jinx average, the Republicans should be expected to lose 6.6 seats, enough to give the Democrats a majority. I don't quite think that's going to happen.
Democratic Victories: Pennsylvania, Ohio, Rhode Island
Probable Democratic Victories (we'll see 3 out of 4): Missouri, Tennessee, Montana, New Jersey(currently held by a Democrat)
Anyone's guess: Virginia

So, for the 8 most likely seats to change hands, 7 are held by Republicans, and in my opinion the Democrats will probably win 6 of those. That puts our numbers at 50-50.

The House:
As it stands, the Democrats need to win 15 seats to regain control. If this election was taking place 30 years ago, before the massive gerrymandering that we see today, I'd say the Democrats could pick up 45 seats in this election cycle. But, the districts are what they are, so we have about 30 "in-play" districts, although that number varies widely depending on what polls you look at. So how many can we expect the Democrats to actually steal? And will they lose any of their own seats?
Well, the Mark Foley seat is switching to Democrats, most likely along with the chairman who knew about the messages. Throw in Tom Delay's old seat, and there are 3 slam dunks due to scandals right there. Add in two races the Republicans have pulled out off, three really vulnerable Pennsylvania seats, three vulnerable Indiana seats, and a couple in Connecticut, and we're already looking at 13 seats off-the-top that the Democrats have a very good chance at. There are a few more in the Midwest that are possible pick-ups, and after a couple of surprises, I predict a net gain of 19 seats for the Dems, with possible one loss in there(Duckworth in Illinois). That would give them a comfy majority and hopefully a little oversight on the President. The Democrats haven't handily won a Congressional election since 1992, so many seem to be of the opinion that they can't take control this year. That could not be further from the truth, and is myopic, insulated logic. Elections are cylical, and people get tired of the status quo eventually. If you give any party power for a significant amount of time, they are bound to screw it up, and I don't think any sane person is happy with the Republican-dominated 109th's performance. I fully expect angry voters to kick out some incumbents that seemingly are safe today.

NFL Power Rankings (Week 5)

1. Chicago
This team has played as well as I've ever seen a team play through 5 games.

2. Indianapolis
You only beat the Titans by 1? You owe the Stunners big time, boys.

3. Philadelphia
Their defense still worries me, but Donovan McNabb has been the MVP so far.

4. New England
The Pats may be able to clinch their division by week 10.

5. San Diego
Now that's the kind of offense the Chargers should be running.

6. Denver
Their defense has been dominant, but I bet their only chance of making a playoff run is if the offense gets going.

7. Baltimore
Steve McNair needs to start being more efficient. His leadership will only get them so far.

8. Cincinnati
How many players will be suspended by the end of the season?

9. Atlanta
I still feel that this team may miss the playoffs.

10. Carolina
They haven't been as good as most expected, but they're winning football games.

11. Jacksonville
That's how you bounce back from a disappointing loss.

12. Seattle
This team needs to make a statement this week against division rival St. Louis.

13. New Orleans
They slid past Tampa, we'll see what this team can do against Philly.

14. St. Louis
I don't even think people realize this team is 4-1.

15. Dallas
The pass protection has to be much better for Drew Bledsoe to succeed.

16. New York Giants
Now that was the team we expected to see this season. We'll see if they can keep it up.

17. Minnesota
Chester Taylor is very solid, but their receivers stink. Troy Williamson, you are no longer a Stunner.

18. Washington
This team makes no sense. I think they're going to go after Jake Plummer next season.

19. Kansas City
This team is starting to play solid football, but they are capable of better.

20. Pittsburgh
Right now, this team stinks. Big Ben has 7 interceptions and 0 touchdowns. They better wake up soon.

21. Buffalo
I don't think that was the performance Dick Jauron expected against his former team.

22. New York Jets
We'll see how this team bounces back from the third worst performance in franchise history.

23. San Francisco
Yeah, they beat the Raiders, but that touchdown off the Lamont Jordan drop was awesome.

24. Arizona
Matt Leinart looks good, but they should have won on Sunday. This team is falling apart.

25. Houston
We'll see how the defense plays against an angry Cowboys offense.

26. Miami
It's good to see Joey playing again, but I don't like his chances as of right now. This team just doesn't play very well together.

27. Cleveland
If Charlie Frye can cut down on the interceptions, they may start pulling off the close ones.

28. Green Bay
That was quite the choke job at Lambeau last week.

29. Tampa Bay
Bruce Gradkowski may just be what the doctor ordered down in Florida.

30. Detroit
This team is much better when Roy Williams plays.

31. Tennessee
Yeah, they almost beat the Colts, but they still have Pacman Jones on their team.

32. Oakland
We may have a 16-0 team and a 0-16 team. Guess who that 0-16 team is?

NFL Power Rankings (Week 4)

1. Indianapolis
Even on an "average" day, Peyton Manning is still quite amazing. We'll see if these injuries catch up to this team.

2. Chicago
I've been a firm believer in Rex Grossman's ability since he was drafted, however I'm still not sure if he'll make it through the entire season.

3. Baltimore
That defense still can play, but I'm curious to see if they can make it out of Denver undefeated.

4. New England
Tom Brady isn't very good, is he?

5. Philadelphia
Imagine what that game would have been like if Brian Westbrook would have played.

6. Seattle
I know Alexander was out, but what the heck was that? This team doesn't have the same mentality they did last year.

7. San Diego
If you want to be among the elite, you have to win the close games on the road. I like Philip Rivers, but imagine what this team would be with Drew Brees.

8. Denver
We'll see what the bye week does for this team as they have a huge test against the Ravens in the national spotlight.

9. Cincinnati
I don't think anyone was happier with the outcome of the Bengals game than me. Well, maybe the Steelers.

10. Atlanta
They certainly know how to beat up on the weaker teams.

11. Dallas
Can you say HUGE game this weekend?

12. Carolina
Starting to improve, but the defense still has me wondering.

13. Jacksonville
What happened to that intensity on defense? This team is capable of playing better than they did on Sunday.

14. New Orleans
I still think this can be a playoff team. This week should be a great way to bounce back from their first loss.

15. Pittsburgh
Big Ben better bring his A game to San Diego this weekend or the Steelers may find themselves in a big hole.

16. New York Jets
Eric Mangini made a mistake, but he still has his team overachieving. They will stay in the picture all season.

17. St. Louis
Well, the Rams looked like the Rams of old. All offense, no defense.

18. Washington
Santana Moss is the key to this team's success.

19. Buffalo
I still haven't quite figured this team out yet. If Lee Evans keeps having big games, McGahee will as well.

20. Minnesota
They need to run the ball if they want to win. They just don't have the fire power to keep up with high powered offenses.

21. New York Giants
This team has way too much talent to be this low. They have a crucial game against Washington this weekend that is a must win.

22. Kansas City
Beating any NFL team 41-0 is no easy task, but we'll see if they can keep that intensity up.

23. Arizona
Matt Leinart will be a good NFL quarterback, just not necessarily right away. All the talent is there, but there is no protection at all.

24. Cleveland
That was a nice comeback Sunday, but they should have played better for 60 minutes against the worst team in the league.

25. Houston
Andre Johnson is really playing well, but there is no running game to speak of.

26. Green Bay
They need Ahman Green. So do the Stunners.

27. Miami
Another team that didn't address their offensive line that is struggling. We may get to see Joey Harrington before this season is over.

28. San Francisco
Well, that definitely wasn't a very well played game Sunday. They won't have any performances like that by the end of the year.

29. Detroit
The offense is clicking and the defense is bad. Rod Marinelli has them in the right direction though.

30. Tampa Bay
Cadillac Williams needs to play like last season for this team to have any shot.

31. Tennessee
Vince Young, welcome to the NFL.

32. Oakland
Well, at least Lamont Jordan played well. However, I'm pretty sure you need more than 68 yards passing to win in this league.