Lions Ineptitude Part 2 of 3

In this second part of a 3 part series, I will examine the coaches' role in the Lions dismal record.

"I just believe that I have the ability to make these guys really go. I believe I know how to do that and I failed this week. I failed in the preparation. I'll take the bullet -- right in the head." -Rod Marinell, after the Lions recent blowout loss to the Chicago Bears

Part of that quote was correct--the rather graphic description of where exactly the blame lied. From everything we have heard Marinelli is a great and honorable man, with service in Vietnam and glowing endorsements from everyone who has played for him, including this from Simeon Rice:

"When talking about Rod Marinelli, you are talking about a man, a myth and a legend. He evokes thoughts of those who have come before us. In the game of coaching, there’s nothing like him...He changes coaching to an art form.

But his belief that he has the ability to "make these guys really go?" That is dubious at best.

Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe he didn't have the players prepared, maybe he was outcoached. But it is much more likely that Marinelli will join the ranks of Bobby Ross, Marty Mornhinweg, and Gary Moeller as tough taskmasters who crumble under the pressures of such an underachieving team. They often come to the Lions believing they can make a difference, and if they just work hard enough and demand enough, they will be able to discipline the Lions. All have been proven wrong.

Head coaches in the NFL can generally be placed in two broad categories: tough disciplinarians and "players' coaches." Let's examine them separately, and see how they hold up steering the Detroit Lions Football Club:

Disciplinarians:

Exhibit A in this category is the General Robert Ross. An old-school Army veteran, he seemed poised to inject some discipline into some underperforming Lions teams when hired in 1997. He had decent success with the San Diego Chargers, leading them to the Super Bowl in 1995, and with first-ballot Hall of Famer Barry Sanders on the roster and an electrifying offense, he was sure to turn things around, right? Not quite. He had the standard 9-7 Lions season (including the obligatory first round playoff loss) before stumbling to 5-11 and 8-8 seasons (one of the few teams to ever make the playoffs at 8-8, who quickly and predictably dug themselves in a hole, behind 27-0 at halftime). In the 2000 season, the proud General, who had put up with so much in his life, who had been disciplined and determined, committed to every task he had ever taken, finally broke. After nine games, he had enough and resigned. The Detroit News ran an article appropriately titled: Loss breaks Ross. But it was not any specific loss that broke Ross, it was years of holding the team and the organization to a certain standard, and repeatedly seeing the team and the locker room crumble. He could threaten to give "a bus ticket out of town" to as many of the players as he wanted to and it still made no difference. To quote Benjamin Franklin, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." And Bobby Ross is a sane man.

Players' Coaches

Perhaps Lions coaches who do not insist upon holding their players to such a high standard, which has been impossible for the organization to meet, have a better chance at success? Perhaps just letting the player's play and respecting them will lead to better results? According to that theory, popular and easy-going Steve Mariucci, he of the .583 winning percentage and 4 playoff berths in six years with the 49ers, would have been an excellent fit for the Lions. He did not demand too much of his players, held most practices without pads to keep them healthy, and essentially stepped back and let them do their job. What were the results? 15 wins, 29 losses, no playoff berths, and zero player development. He actually only lost 28 games, but was widely credited with "losing the locker room" so I added one more to the ledger. Not to mention that the players drafted in the first round for his three years with the team qualify as nothing short of a unmitigated disaster:

Joey Harrington('02): Traded for a late draft pick
Charles Rogers('03): Unconditionally waived, no compensation
Kevin Jones('04): Showed promise early, hasn't rushed for 100 years in nearly 2 years
Roy Williams('04): Still has potential, but has not developed yet into a star
Mike Williams('05): Has not contributed on the field, been fined numerous times

We could talk for hours about the Lions drafting bungles, blunders, and bloopers, but let's stick to the coaches.

So what can we discern from this mess of a franchise? Instead of directly answering that question, I will offer advice to the following parties:

Prospective Head Coaches: Do not come to the Lions. I do not care how much money they offer, or how much Ford stock options they give you, just STAY AWAY. Join another team. Coach a high-school football team. Play Sudoku. It doesn't matter. Just remember, the title of "Lions Head Coach" is similar to "Supreme Court Justice:" it will be your last job.

Detroit Lions Management (Fords): Clearly, the problems with the Lions are not because of the head coach. As such, I recommend hiring your most idealistic young intern, paying him the minimum wage, and let him coach the team until the media and the losses break him down. Then replace him with another intern. This will not lead to any more victories, but at least you'll save some money that maybe you can invest in designing a car people actually want to buy?

Lions Fans: Sociologists often talk of a "vicious cycle" that makes life difficult for addicts and poor people. Besides the fact that the Lions suck money out of their fans, and lead them to the bottle, there is another vicious cycle at work here: Lions struggle with "soft" head coach. Head coach is fired, and disciplinarian is brought in. Fans get excited. Disciplinarian is to hard on the players, and a nicer, more popular coach is needed to get the most out of the players. Cycle continues. Not much I can tell you guys, although I heard the Tigers were playing well.

Detroit Media: Do your job. In this case, your job is to subtletly jab at every Lions coach until he gradually becomes a broken-down husk of a man, at which point he will be fired in shame or resign, and you can have a new target brought in. It's nice to part of something bigger than yourself, isn't it? And we can all agree, the Lions' collossal failures are bigger than any one man.

Young African-American Men: I don't really have anything specific, but it seems like everyone else has advice for them, so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon. Remember that Seinfeld episode where George gets a job at Kruger's, and is excited that the company is run horribly, so he will be able to "go hog-wild at a place like that!" In that vein, if you play football, sign with the Lions. You can go hog-wild.

Two more fun facts about the Lions: Wayne Fontes has the most wins of any Lions Coach. His record is 67-71.

Joe Schmidt was a Hall of Fame player and probably the best head coach the team has ever had. He had the following to say after he resigned from the Lions: "I expect everyone to be like me. I guess that's a mistake," and my personal favorite: "coaching isn't fun anymore." Can I see a raise of hands from anyone who was surprised that he would make that remark after 6 years coaching the Lions?